How do you handle anger?
Is it something you avoid and struggle with? Or does it make relating to others difficult because you come across very strong and maybe even rigid?
In recent years, this topic has gained significant attention in my practice. Many clients have asked me about it, particularly women who often internalise their anger instead of expressing it. Conversely, some people express anger aggressively, which can compromise their relationships.
So, what is anger, and how does it relate to our boundaries?
In this article, I will explore anger and its implications on boundaries, I’ll do it through the lens of somatic psychology, particularly the Bodynamic system, which examines how these manifests in our body and muscles throughout our lives.
Laying the Groundwork on Emotions
Anger, like other limbic emotions, is viewed in somatic psychology as a hormonal release in the body, with each emotion having a unique motion through the body. Emotions exist to move us into action within our social context—they play a social role and are essential for our lives in groups. These emotions are not unique to humans; they are also observed in mammals.
"Emotion can be thought of as an assessment of how a situation affects or impacts the well-being of the whole body." - Raja Selvam, Ph.D.
Danish physician Carl Lange published an essay titled "On Emotions: A Psychophysiological Study," which, along with William James' work, formed the James-Lange theory of emotion. This theory proposes that emotion is first generated in the body through changes in voluntary muscles, organs, glands, and blood vessels by the autonomic nervous system, and through glandular secretions such as cortisol from the adrenal glands.
Lauri Nummenmaa (Ph.D.), a leading brain researcher in Finland, heads the Human Emotion Systems Laboratory at Turku PET Centre and the Department of Psychology, University of Turku. His group studies the neural mechanisms of human emotions and social interactions using advanced imaging and behavioral techniques.
They actually thermo measure emotions and their movement in the body, in their researches. Isn’t it amazing?
Anger and Boundaries
According to the Bodynamic system of somatic developmental psychology, anger in its social context expresses: “No,” “Enough,” “Stop.”
The 'Layers of Feelings' theory in Bodynamic divides emotions into limbic emotions (driven by the limbic system), sentiments (driven by the cortex), and instincts (driven by the brain stem). Similarly, Parrott's framework of emotions suggests primary, secondary, and tertiary emotions, with anger being a primary emotion. Secondary and tertiary emotions include for example in our context, irritation and annoyance.
Biochemically, anger involves sympathetic activation, of Adrenaline specifically, with energy moving from our centre to our limbs, particularly the front of the thighs and arms. Calling this phenomenon 'healthy aggression' in recent nervous system studies. The Bodynamic system uniquely identifies specific muscles involved in embodying this energy, in this context of boundaries; Vastus intermedius, Vastus medialis, Vastus lateralis, Rectus femoris, and the Deltoid in all it's layers.
Clinical Observations and Personal Reflections
In my practice over the past decade, I've met many women who struggle with anger, including myself. For many years, prior to my education and maturation, anger meant a break in connection, and I found it challenging to experience and express it.
Four years ago, at age 35, I became a mother, which provided me a beautiful opportunity to observe my education unfold through my children development.
Children express anger and set boundaries before they have language, using healthy aggression and motor functions involving boundary muscles. They spit out pacifiers, kick their legs during diaper changes, and push or throw with their arms—all driven by the sympathetic rise of limbic anger. This process starts in the body before it becomes contextualised and conditioned.
This embodying and learning process occurs in a child's first connection with their caregivers. It's essential to allow, witness, encourage, and stimulate these expressions in a safe, playful environment. If I want my child to have the ability to say "no" in adulthood, I must allow her to learn this skill through motor development—spitting, throwing, and kicking within a caring framework.
A discussion with a colleague about boundaries as an act of self-care inspired this article, this was the theme of his master thesis and he felt conflicted about boundaries driven by anger. When we examine this theme from an adult perspective, we must remember the multiple layers—developmental, psycho-motor, emotional, and the mature adult position.
As adults, we may not spit or kick.
Our upper brain development provides us more options for expressing it.
However, the rising energy and activation in our bodies remain. Its contained, it is contextualise but the movement still happen within our bodies, even if in a subtle way.
Signalling to us "how a situation affects or impacts the well-being of the whole body."
And when to come out with a "no", "stop", or "enough".
And also the other side, to practice this motor aspects in order to develop this as conscious resources in our body and life skills as the Bodynamic system offer.
In my practice in recent years I meet these women who so struggle with this, with this experience in their body. "I am not an angry person" they express often. And it's also the spot where I get curios to explore and play with them with this theme.
"Physical and energy defences against emotions such as constriction, low arousal, or numbing can disrupt the various flows (blood, nervous system, lymphatic, interstitial or intercellular fluid, and electromagnetic and quantum energy) that are vital for brain and body regulation and physical and psychological well-being."
"The experience of emotion depends not only on the brain but also on the entire body and it's environment ."
When I was a child, anger was the emotion that would get me to be sent to my room—not as a punishment, but to "calm down." What my system learned from this was that anger meant losing connection.
As I grew up, I found ways to cope with that learning. I would withdraw before expressing anger or exchange the expression of anger with sadness. This underlying issue contributed to my chronic pain and made intimate relationships challenging.
After all, how long can you share life with someone without occasionally saying "No," "Enough," "Stop," or "Shut up"?
This learning was a profound catalyst in my journey, and the way through it was practicing and experiencing it within my body, in to my relationships and life—from within, out.
Even if, as an adult, I set my boundaries from a place of self-care, the foundation to this action come from what accessible or not for me in my body, from my childhood experiences and development.
If I lack these skills in my body, it becomes very difficult and fragmented action.
Learning to sense, contain, move and healthy express this energy is a catalyst for our body, relationships and life.
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